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Profile of a Kiwi thief 2008

October 14, 2008

My flat was burgled on Friday afternoon. I did use Zenbu to look up the nearest police station phone number as well as a nearby locksmith but these were small rays of light in a bleak evening.

I am somewhat a techno-whore, with an interest in the outdoors, so I managed to provide the thief an excellent combination of high value electronics and backpacks to take it with.

I am insured, but even that time consuming process will not give me back the valuables that can not be measured in dollars. I’d be lucky to get $50 for the 10 year old backpack I’ve taken around the world and the Waitakeres a million times – but if I ever see anyone carrying my very distinctive bag, there will be retribution and they should hope a hockey stick is the sharpest item I have to hand.

From a completely analytical viewpoint I was able to learn some interesting things about this thief, who will I call by the handle I’ve assigned him; theiving-kunt-08.

  • theiving-kunt-08 spent at least 2 hours in me and my girlfriend’s 3 room flat, displaying boldness and/or great preparation in knowing our time schedule.
  • theiving-kunt-08 took my (fingerprint-login) laptop, cameras, laptop, ipod, GPS, external hard drives so obviously has a keen interest in electronic gadgets. (I hope he doesn’t develop a keen interest in my finger)
  • theiving-kunt-08 took my phone base station, but not the (now useless) phone, so maybe he just likes shiney objects and actually has no idea what they are.
  • theiving-kunt-08 took my 1kg bag of Australian mandarins, an avocado and some kiwifruit. He didn’t touch my beer, wine or spirits but did take a 1L bottle of chilled tap water from the fridge. I figure theiving-kunt-08 is on a diet or a member of some extremist sect (stealing is OK, but alcohol is the work of Satan!)
  • BEST OF ALL: theiving-kunt-08 took the remaining half of my 1kg block of cheese. I guess this is more an indictment of the price of dairy in NZ today than on anything else, $12 a kilo?
    Now that’s daylight robbery!
One Comment
  1. October 16, 2008 9:16 am

    Zenbu code lives on several servers too so should be fine. Did however lose my girlfriends Freecell high scores and my plans to take over the world… sigh.

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